My Blog

What the hell is running through my mind? Walking around aimlessly.. Up and down the building.. state of emptyness.. Lost.. tired.. I need a perk! Give that guy a coffee! Not being myself today.. In another dimension..

Whew.. its gone.. the uneasy feeling.. the aimless feeling.. a moment of shock.. never want this to happen again.. No reason for that.. Or maybe not.. is that the reason? Her image appears..

Back to reality.. ya, still got the mask on.. back to battle.. new information.. new direction.. good news! Way to go! Slow pace today.. other then the uncomfortable ordeal.. No exitement.. just plain follow the flow kind of day..

Welcome on board my new partner.. we enter a new phase today.. Reach a new height and understanding. More to come be patience with him.. soon the war will be over and victory to us!

Its good to be bad.. I kind of like how it sounds.. hmm.. not being evil.. just feel confortable how it is pieced together.. hmm.. what is bad  and what is good.. is bad really bad? and can bad be good bad? Haha.. confusing.. This is more confusing:

Two men met at a bus stop and struck
up
a conversation. One of them kept
complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said: "You think
you have family problems? Listen to my
situation."

A few years ago I met a young widow
with a grown-up daughter. We got
married and got myself a stepdaughter.

Later, my father married my
stepdaughter. That made my
stepdaughter, my stepmother.

And my father became my stepson. Also,
my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law.

Much later the daughter of my wife, my
stepmother, had a son. This boy was my
half-brother because he was my
father’s son.

But he was also the son of my wife’s
daughter which made him my wife’s
grand-
son. That made me the grand-father of
my half-brother.

This was nothing until my wife and I
had a son. Now the half-sister of my
son, my stepmother, is also the
Grandmother.

This makes my father, the brother-in-
law of my child, whose stepsister is my
father’s wife, I am my stepmother’s
brother-in-law, my wife is her own
child’s aunt, my son is my father’s
nephew, and I am MY OWN GRANDFATHER!

And you think you have FAMILY
PROBLEMS!!!

I hate confusion.. The guessing game.. she expected me to play the guessing game.. now its all over.. A failed family.. I tried to guess but lost another game.. A jerk to her now.. A correct guess.. and I found the truth.. another failed relationship.. Current situation… anymore guessing? Nah.. no more guessing.. Its impossible.. I am in a state of confusion.. state of belonging.. to whom it may concern.. The image appears again.. How to let it made known! Its painful.. but better painful then sorry.. better distance then lost.. better with hope then none…

Ha! One shot one kill! Great feelings..  closed two cases today.. doesn’t comes easy! Ha.. the first case.. real nut case.. this guy.. I followed up for 2yrs.. since the day i been in this indusrtry.. but he had very high ego and always take his principle as his piority.. but he is now at a cross junction.. no choice but to seek assistance.. He accepted my offer.. but he still has the horns.. not humble still. got him in and closed the deal.. won the battle.. but not the war! still rerquires lots of fighting.. I want him to change and make it big with us!

Second case was a breeze.. young guy full of dreams.. willing to learn and listen.. closed this deal and this gonna motivate the guys! They are hot now.. and they gonna sweep a bigger market in! Feeling of acheivement is strong now. Gonna reach new height this month!

Awaits for new challenges tomorrow.. I love what i am doing.. It pays my bills and gave me fufillment. Long live LFI! Today I will sleep with a smile.. dreams will be sweet.. for a better tomorrow!

Brothers and sisters.. wonderful session by the boss again! His view is deep.. his vision is far and his words are strong! Follow the right path.. follow the right leader. Now that we know more, now that we are moved, lets bring it on and make this game a fantastic one. The heat is on! Let carry the torch and run the mile.. The journey is long and winding.. but with perseverance, every things pays.

                         Set back = Experience = Perfection.

What happened at 53 was shocking.. Big news.. another group of victims fell prey.. JP! you are really inhumane.. Greed is already bad.. but you used it to manipulate others.. and strike when they are at their weakest! Call yourself human! Let the bureau takes care of you. No matter what you do.. its not going to affect us. We have our ability to prove and with the right mindset, right platform and right leadership, Justice will prevail. Brothers and sisters! Let the war begin!

Dream big.. dare to risk! Well said! It will always be in my heart! Nothing comes without risk and all reality starts with a dream! What do we have to risk? And what is to gain? To risk is just time.. to gain is eternity.. abundance wealth, unlimited freedom and unimaginable happiness! Dare to risk? Unquestionable..I am ready.. Unstoppable!

One thing that still bothers me.. burden in my heart.. the image is always appearing.. the mind is always stirring.. can’t stop thinking.. but cannot bring about the courage to ,make it clear, make it known.. Ha.. mixed feelings, mixed signals.. Just cannot handle this sort of rejection! Once bitten twice shy.. Dare to risk! I dun even dare to dream! In my heart, in my mind.. How to let it made known! Its painful.. but better painful then sorry.. better distance then lost.. better with hope then none… Are you feeling me?

Two extreme sides.. positivity will bring me on in material wealth.. negativity still fill me in for emotional fulfillment.. a line draw in between.. Never will they coincide.. I know what I want and I know what I need.. 

17 jun

Home sweet home.. my parents home to be exact.. Left my stuff there.. too much to be at my current Siglap place.. Went over to unpack some stuff.. Hey its Fathers day.. mum whipped up some dishes.. Its been decades since I been home for dinner.. the taste of home cook food.. the warmth and the taste.. hmm.. great meal. Enjoyed the meal..

Seems like I do need more time with the unpacking.. got to sort out to make way for walking space.. Haiz.. when will this finish… All this had taken up very much of my time! Lots of movies.. i gonna miss.. I wanted to watch Spider lilies.. Ocean 13.. Haiz.. no company, no time.. boring..

Wah! today is payday for LFI ppl! Lots of them will be happy! Fabian, Justin, Edmund! spend the money wisely k! More to come! Huat ah!

Ah! the dreadful day is here! Went to LFI.. had a short meet.. rally the guys.. Justin, Edmund and Chee Wee.. off to work! Hard work.. Got a set of big wheels.. all thanks to Edmund..

Sengkang.. one last time.. a room full of things to shift.. my gym set.. my pool table.. boxes of thingy.. Man at work.. sweat.. pain.. backache.. took us 3hrs.. to load up..One last look at my cozy place.. last time stepping into the place.. Say goodbye.. strange feeling.. like i lost something.. Haiz.. Next destination.. Geylang Bahru.. I drove the big wheel.. Red devil under Edmund’s control.. Wow.. sure looks great on the road.. definitely a head turner.. First time looking at you cruising on the freeway!

Geylang Bahru.. Unloaded the stuff.. all goes into an empty room.. the room I grew up in.. now.. my store room.. Hey guys have a rest.. one last stop before mission accomplishment.. Last stop Siglap..

Siglap.. Unloaded the gym set.. and my pool table.. guys.. take your time.. have a drink.. have a puff.. Siglap.. a great place to chill.. with the lovely rooftop.. but its drizzling..so no rooftop.. Thanks guys!! without you.. I will not have such an easy time.. Mission accomplished.. The guys made their way to a movie.. Fantastic 4.. Hey.. we got to be the Fantastic 4 today! Fantastic mission!

Part 2 for me.. Redo my room.. shifted all the stuff around..packed up and consolidated the rubbish.. Tough! doing it alone.. tons of loads to handle.. been doing this for the last few days.. back aches.. lost of breath.. thirsty and hungry.. Finally.. got it done at 6am.. took a shower.. haha cannot sleep again.. came online.. surf the net.. routine.. hope to fall asleep.. super exhausted.. Later.. Geylang Bahru to unpack the boxes.. When is this nightmare going to end! Argh! I really dun know!

Not been having any entertainment for weeks.. its all work and no play.. Alvin gonna become a dull boy.. No programs.. no company.. Haiz.. I hope next week I can at least make myself happy.. going to buy a new handphone.. make a few shirts and pants..hmm.. maybe a new pair of shoes.. haha retail therapy.. boring!

Very early day… bank,to sort out financial arrangement.. another bank to sort out payment.. PS to return SCV box.. browsed through latest HP..eyed on one.. haha.. will be changing.. My current one went for ‘diving’ once.. dun think it will last long.. Lunch.. alone.. at Yoshinoya.. Yoshinoya serves wholesome and tasty authentic Japanese rice based meals at affordable prices.. In short, fast food,Japanese style, haha.. Had a quick one.. really quick..

Another 3 court cases.. being warned about such issues.. someone is creating trouble behind my back.. Dun be so helpful.. Haiz.. never know how to reject ppl.. Must know how to do that.. Ok ok.. will be alert.. Been a loanshark very often lately.. Loanshark without teeth.. Seems like ppl around me all tight with cash.. Ok ok.. like i say.. I dun know how to reject ppl.. Hmm.. instead of feeding them fish.. should teach them how to fish.. will do that..

Meeting in office with my partners.. More promoted.. Congrats! Tons of activities in the night.. TBC Bintan video.. 2 hrs of laughters.. brought back loads of memories.. wonderful trip.. Another one in Aug.. more generals will go.

Got a SMS.. never lost my expectation on him before.. Always be there if he need guidance.. I do not need that kind of reassurance.. Action speaks louder than words.

Night is still young.. no programs.. boring.. movie.. alone? Forget it.. Misses the times.. Misses the company.. all turns cold. Back to the 4 walls.. routine.. Just another day.. more to come.

Half dead! Totaly exhausted! Reached Sengkang at 3pm.. started packing up.. Tons of rubbish.. hmm.. brought back too much from USA le.. To throw or not to throw.. Threw away at least a lorry of unwanted stuff.. Dinner time.. 100 plus with 100 plus.. continue packing..

Stop to look through some photos.. haha.. happy memories.. ya.. only left with memories.. Haiz.. got to pack up fast! Too tired.. too dry.. too exhausted.. Hey take a break.. hmm.. drop by the office and see how the guys doing..maybe supper with them.. Before that let me sent some stuff to her..

Ha! Potato! He jumped on me! think he miss me.. I definately miss him! Still as handsome.. still as tame.. Thanks for taking so good care of him.. bye bye potato.. haiz..

Supper with the guys.. ate like a pig! Ok back to work.. Off loading rubbish again.. tons and tons of them.. walking around the house.. soon not gonna be mine.. haiz.. strange feeling.. Hooray! all rubbish taken care of..Wah! 4am le! Ok.. pack up stuff into boxes.. left in a room.. Sat.. get a set of wheel to shift them.. Haiz.. dreadful Sat.. back breaking day! Thanks bro.. offering to help on Sat.. but still gonna be painful.. Haiz.. we will wait till then and see.. Too tired now.. eyes shutting.. Drive at top speed to keep myself awake! breaking the law again…

Back behind the 4 walls.. did not wear the mask today.. check email.. tally sales.. Hey.. Y cannot sleep.. maybe is the after shower effect.. mind starts running again.. Haiz.. no point thinking.. its impossible.. losing grip.. losing contact.. zzzz.. Long and early day tommorow.. If i carry on like this.. I am going to lose my life.. Haiz.. I am dead anyway..

Sales for this month reach all time high! Wonderful fighting spirit for the guys! Keep it going! LFI Huat Ah! Pop champange to celebrate!

Totaly shack out today.. tally sales.. arrange sales and plan sales.. but all come to a good end.. Dead fish is dead yet again.. Ha ha.. all is worth.. congrats to Fabian and Edmund.. Our new RD.. pay check.. at least $10k.. Mine is also record high! Ha ha.. Money chasing us.. LFI Huat ah! 

Next step for us.. build up our spirit.. we are burning.. keep the flame going! Make everyone fall down.. My bro.. CRD! Be the youngest! Grab hold of 3 generals and blast ah! I have great confident in you! LFI Huat ah!

Feel happy wearing the Mask of hope today.. Its still uncomfortable.. but great to see all the results. Key word.. Fighting spirit! Great achievement.. seeing my partners gain success and seeing my customers gain great results. Wat a wonderful feeling. LFI Huat Ah!

Back home.. Took off the Mask.. back to same old self.. tired.. half dead.. Cannot sleep.. deep tots.. who to share all this with.. haha.. ironic.. but its life.. you gain some you lose some.. someone in my heart.. too distance.. too cold.. how is she doing.. how is her life..  a mystery.. saw her image.. contented.. surf the net.. same old music.. ah.. wonderful rest.. LFI Huat ah! 

Business.. its all about sales.. I am no born salesman(dead fish).. getting into this position comes with real hard work. The main reason.. I am left with no choice.. Only option.. survival..

My guys.. fantastic bunch.. young.. talented full of drive.. setback.. no sense of urgency.. Cannot blame them.. life experiences is not there.. Reasons for me.. knowing wat I want.. simple.. I lost too much.. I want it back!

Fighting sales.. very challenging.. very tiring.. the effort you put in differentiate you from the rest. I need it.. I must get it! Is it worthwhile.. haha.. wat do you think.. without this spirit, dead fish might be decomposing long ago..

So how does the dead fish remain fresh.. Fighting spirit.. Max qouted.. if you want it.. you will get it.. nothing come by accident. You deserve wat you get. If you are poor.. you deserve it.. If you are loaded.. you deserve it! Dead fish.. has the spirit..

Relating it to something else.. haha.. I gained some I lost some.. but i deserve it.. Someone in my heart.. its not gonna be possible anymore.. but who to blame.. I deserve it..Haiz..

Just removed my Mask of hope.. Ah! feel so light.. feel so free.. Behind the same 4 walls.. surfing the net.. same music lingers in the background.. dead fish again… In my own world..

‘ Image of Ms E.. appearing.. haiz..just an image… In my heart, in my mind.. How to let it made known! Its painful.. but better painful then sorry.. better distance then lost.. better with hope then none.’

Spring cleaning.. part of my agenda.. never like to do that.. No choice.. gonna surrender the house on the 15th.. Argh.. no time left.. Procrastination kills.. cannot anymore..

The house is left with too much memories.. It used to be a love loft.. wonderful.. cosy.. warm and comfortable.. Now it is cold.. quite and meaningless.. Time to part.. say good bye..

I need a set of wheels.. my red devil is not up to it.. Two rooms of stuff.. all gonna move.. I also need hands.. I only got 2.. there are too much to handle! Ah.. stress!

The exitement for the both of us.. Chosing the unit.. collected the keys.. chosing the colour.. design and doing it up.. seems like just happened yesterday.. Now.. just a big chunk of mess to clear.. and lots of feelings to pack up.. 7yrs is too long and draggy.. sorry to have wasted your time. I will be punished for that.. if that will make you feel better.. move on and live well!

Pictures perfect moments.. got a big box of it.. will be my most precious procession. Its priceless and never gonna lose it. Only thing left between us.

Ironic.. Times were bad.. when i have her.. struggling for survival and cannot give her time.. Now i got wat i strive for.. i got no one to share with.. You gain some you lose some..

A wonderful women.. caring,independent, strong, beautiful, intelligent and capable.. Thanks for the time.. Its my greatest lost not being able to have you.. Count myself lucky to have met you. I cannot say that i miss you but you definately left an impression. All the best to you!

Sitted within the same 4 walls… memories running through my mind.. the same music playing in the background.. The feeling of emptyness.. Say goodbye…